he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
