i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
