why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize