I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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