I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
