That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
