we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
