I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
