wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
