I cannot find my penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
