My liver just broke up with me...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
