JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
