she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
