Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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