If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
