I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
