Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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