Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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