Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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