You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
