a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
