Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
