found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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