I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
