That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Text me some of your sweat
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