i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
