Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we have officially lost it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
