Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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