I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
