dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
