People with herpes should wear stickers.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
