I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
