i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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