Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
