I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
