I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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