i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
