Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
