it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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