I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
