she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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