Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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