Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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