Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
