But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
