Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it glows. i had to have it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He better not be in your backpack
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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