Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
