guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
