im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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