I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
