My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
