god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
