It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
