Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
