you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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