Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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