So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
