i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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