Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
