Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
