If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
