in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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