my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
