I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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