nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
