I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
