Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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