So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
