Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
