There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
