Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I am morally bankrupt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
