I am puke
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
