do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
