Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
