dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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