i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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