No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
