If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
